


Where are you? I miss you.

by Ferdzc01



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, How Do I Tag, Hurt Tony Stark, I just gotta say fuck Howard, I may update the relationships but I don't know yet, M/M, Multi, Not Beta Read, Presumed Dead, T because of swearing and who knows what, This is a mix of college and high school, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Young Tony Stark, i sadly have no beta, if anyone wants to be just hmu
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:48:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25256443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferdzc01/pseuds/Ferdzc01
Summary: This is the first letter that James has ever written (maybe he should tell Tony that?), he's always find useful to say what's in his head. He won't survive if he says that Tony is... that he's not... that he's currently not here. That's just going to break his heart and his soul. Everyone is dealing with The Situation differently but he has no time to break down.
Relationships: Ana Jarvis/Edwin Jarvis, Howard Stark/Maria Stark, James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Comments: 7
Kudos: 15





	1. What do I say to you?

**Author's Note:**

> I still don't know what's up with Tony and most of the characters are going to be mentioned.  
> This is my first fic, if I make any mistake, please tell me. Any suggestion, opinion, critic, anything, is welcomed :)

_Hey Tones,_

_I don’t think that I’ve ever written a letter, y’ know? You’ve been my first in so many things, what’s the damage with adding one more to the list. I miss you. I miss you all the time, I never thought that you wouldn’t be in my life one day, but here we are. I still can’t accept that, though. I don’t think that you knew how appreciated you were, that’s on us, we never really showed you. ~~Maybe.~~ We were definitely harsh with you, I just never imagined that you, the smartest person I’ve ever met, wouldn’t know that even when Tasha was cold with you, she was always looking out for you; that when Clint was an asshole, he was just bantering and always checking that you weren’t hurt since you flinched the first time. Thor didn’t ‘like you because he likes everyone’, he always praised you to other people, how kind and creative you ~~are~~ were, how you were going to change the world, Loki even agreed with him, several times. Pepper and Rhodey are taking it almost worse than us, they just keep turning around expecting to see you and you’re never there, Rhodey makes a joke that only you’d get, Pepper is trying to put a brave face but sometimes we see her red eyes. None of us know where you are Tony, not Howard, nor Maria, not even Jarvis will ~~(or can?)~~ tell us anything. ~~Where are you? Did you just leave without looking back? Are you hurt?~~ We miss you, Steve and I. I know that at first Steve and you were really sceptic of each other and didn’t always see each other eye to eye, but you know him. He’s stubborn as hell, when someone bad talked you, you bet your pretty ass that he was defending you while I had to hold him back so he wouldn’t get in more trouble. Because of his stubbornness I know he won’t ever give up on you, I think that none of us will, but Steve has this optimism that, well, you’ve said it yourself, he’s like Captain America. I’ll miss you every day till you’re back, ~~will you ever be back?~~ Doll, I love you the most, my very soul aches without you, you probably don’t know the impact that you’ll always have in my life, even if you’re not here. I swear that I'll check on the 'bots every day, after all they're our robotic children._

_Even Fury and Coulson miss you, I think, they have this stoic face but I think that I see sadness in their eyes._

_I love you, always, forever._

_Yours, James._

* * *

This is the first letter that James has ever written (maybe he should tell Tony that?), he's always found useful to say what's in his head. He won't survive if he says that Tony is... that he's not... that he's currently not here. That's just going to break his heart and his soul. Everyone is dealing with The Situation differently but he has no time to break down. With Tony he didn't really need a lot of words, he usually understood what he was thinking, to write letters that Tony may never see feels weird, but Tony isn't here to hear them, so he'll have to deal with the letters. It's not as if anyone actually talks about what happened. Everyone is coping the best way they can and James will just have to write the damn letters to sort out his thoughts. He doesn't know if he'll write every day or how frequently, but well, he has never had a ~~dead~~ , ~~kidnapped~~ , ~~yeeted out of existence~~ absent boyfriend.


	2. Of feelings and uncertainty.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James has never been one to cry, so, when Steve finds him crying the only way he has always cried, silent but heartbroken. Steve just sits beside Bucky (only him, his ma’ and Becca are allowed to call him that nowadays) in the bed and grabs him by the shoulder.

_Hey Doll,_

_I have this feeling, like the one I have when Stevie is inevitably in trouble, or when Becca gets hurt, even the gut feeling that I got when they tried to frame Clint for stealing some clothes in the mall. I just know that you wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye, I know you. I know the real Tony, not the one that Stane and Howard tried to make you into. The Tony that always got soft around animals, the boy that adores his mother and Jarvis, considers the bots to be part of his family. I know that we didn’t appreciate you enough, and yet you gave your all to our friends, whenever Thor, Clint, Steve and I needed help with math or physics you helped us asking just for a cup of coffee. When Bruce or Clint had trouble at home you were there for them in whichever way they needed. You were always looking out for Natasha and Pepper, accompanying them when they wanted to go shopping and going to Tasha’s recitals and even if you were a hooligan with Rhodey everyone knew that you were just joking with Coulson and Fury. Even when we weren’t really friends and I had a broken arm, you just helped me carry my books and stay on track with my homework. That’s why I don’t get why you’re gone. I just know that you didn’t leave willingly the same way I know your softie heart. I haven’t been in a Synagogue since I was 12, but I swear Tones I’m going to pray to any deity that’s out there that we find you (will we find you or your body?)._

_I love you, always, forever._

_Yours, James._

* * *

James has never been one to cry, so, when Steve finds him crying the only way he has always cried, silent but heartbroken. Steve just sits beside Bucky (only him, his ma’ and Becca are allowed to call him that nowadays) in the bed and grabs him by the shoulder.

“I know there’s something else here, Stevie, I swear.”

“What are you thinking?”

“I mean he wouldn’t have left, Jarvis or Maria would be a lot more pissed and not confused as we are. Also, you know the media, they’re always hunting him down when he tries to lay down and they’re strangely silent. If it had been a kidnapping, don’t you think that someone would’ve sent a ransom note already?”

“Buck, I don’t think that anyone would tell us. I know Jarvis has a soft spot for you, but he still works for Howard and you know how he is. Besides, for all that Howard is a neglectful and mean alcoholic, we know that he wouldn’t let Tony get hurt, after all he’s the one that’s producing a lot of the designs nowadays.”

“I know, but, don’t you think something’s fishy? It doesn’t make sense.”

“We just have to trust that someone will find him and we’ll know what happened.”

“That’s not enough for me.”

“But that’s most likely what we’ll get. Hey, who are you writing to?”

“Well, Stevie, that none of your business, please leave that alone, I’ll put it in the drawer.”

“So touchy, jeez, calm down, I’ll put it there for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if I don't upload regularly, I'm still figuring out some stuff from this work. If anyone wants to be my beta, please send me a message. Thank you for reading!


	3. Helping the Russians

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and James go way back. James doesn't have one arm but has a prosthesis. Tony really has an impact in people's lives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So if anyone has any question about anything please let me know! I already kind of know how this is going to turn out and I'm hoping to be able to write all the angst in every way that I want

_Doll,_

_I love you, I’m not sure what’s really going on, Stane hasn’t been seen for apparently some weeks now. We didn’t know until it was announced on the news and I don’t know, I feel that it has something to do with your disappearance. I went to visit Aunt Peggy and she told me that we shouldn’t lose faith, to trust you and to trust that you’ll come back to us soon. To be fair babe, she’s always cryptid, but that takes the crown and I may not be a super spy and even I recognize when someone is hiding something. We’ll find you sweetheart, I know it, what I don’t is when. The other day I found Loki, Clint and Tasha talking about you and they had red eyes. I don’t think that I’ve ever seen them crying or nearly crying, or even sitting just the three of them, but I guess that we are just looking for comfort with each other. Thor started hanging out even more in the lab with Bruce and the guys on the team and I started to hang out with everyone a lot more. I’ve come to terms with your disappearance but I’ll never lose faith in you, you’re a miracle worker doll, you’ve always done the impossible and I know that it’ll be the same with this._

_Please never give up, that’d be something that I couldn’t come to terms with._

_I love you, always and forever._

_Yours, James_

* * *

Nat silently sits beside James in the bleachers, just taking his hand and softly squeezing it. They didn’t really need to use words to comfort the other one, what with always having a deep connection since the accident they had in Russia which costed James’ arm.

“If you want to say something, just do it James.”

“I know that Tony’s parents don’t owe us anything and much less the Jarvises or even Ms. Carter, but I don’t understand why they didn’t tell us that Stane went missing.”

“You think that there’s more to it.”

“Don’t you?”

“Everyone does, Yasha, we’d be fools not to. We’ll get Tony back though, that’s a no brainer, but you know what I think.”

“Yeah, I also fear how we’ll get him back, he’ll clamp up even more and if he didn’t allow almost anyone in his life, much less now.”

Natasha only sighs, knowing that Tony didn’t have precisely the ‘I love myself and I deserve the world’ vibe and that they had contributed to his mistrust always teasing. She couldn’t really believe how she couldn’t make herself seemingly worthy of his trust when he was the one to ‘fix’ Yasha and her. Tony was the first person besides Yasha that Nat had trusted after their accident, while James was on an exchange and ended in her house. That accident ended up taking the lives of her parents and James’ arm, resulting in his mom taking her in.

Tony never flinched when they were embarrassingly violent with their words and threats or showed fear in his eyes, he just sat with either of them and filled the silence with his rambling until Yasha started asking questions and started to open up more to the rest of his old group and brought Nat with him. Tony was the first person that she allowed to hug her, so it’s really incompressible that she didn’t really notice the fact that Tony was always distancing himself and now he was gone.


	4. Announcement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little announcement and explanation:D

Hi! If you were wondering when I was going to update, I will soon. Just so you get to know me a little more and understand why I’m taking so long, there goes a little recap of the last month. 

I’m 19 (my bday was last week :D) and I’m doing my law degree. To financially help my parents I got a job at a call center and I was writing in the time of my training when I was using my personal laptop, but then my bosses (or exbosses) lent us some old PCs to work with and I couldn’t open anything other than work related stuff:( 

Then, my classes started and in my clumsiness I dropped my laptop and broke the screen so it is under repair at the moment and I don’t know how long it’ll take. I already quit my job because of the absurdity of it and I’m currently doing my class work in my mom’s laptop but she also uses it for her work so I can’t really have it for long, hence the absence of writing:( 

But maybe we can do a little q&a here in the comments or we can chat on my instagram (@ferdzc01) or my tumblr (mcusucker) :D I’d like to connect with you folks, so let me know in the comments and I hope that I can get back to writing soon! 

Be safe, be gay and do crime! 

Lots of love, xx.


End file.
